Hosting My First Dinner Party
Day 66. On Saturday night I hosted my first ever dinner party. It was my boyfriend’s birthday and the first weekend where indoor gatherings up to 50 people were allowed, so I figured it would be nice to have a small get together.
My boyfriend and I moved to our new flat in January this year, and finally had enough space (along with an actual dinning table) to host a little party. We were supposed to have a dinner party the week after lockdown started that was obviously cancelled, and even back then I was taking time off of drinking and preparing to easily conceal my non-drinking by having an alcohol free alternative.
I love cooking as we all know, and have never hosted a dinner party before, but was eager to try on my hostess hat (or apron). So, I decided that we would have my cousin and our friend over for dinner on Saturday night as a little birthday celebration. Not going to lie, I was a bit stressed out Saturday morning since we left it until the last minute to go shopping and clean the flat. I stayed up late on Friday night watching T.V. and slept in late so I wished that I had been up earlier to get prepared ahead of time. I’m still trying to graciously accept the fact that ditching the booze hasn’t made me a naturally early riser.
As it turns out, our friend we invited has also quit drinking! He’s even ahead of me with 120-some days! The last time the four of us got together was my birthday party where we drank pitchers of rum and coke and went bowling, so it was interesting that now two out of the four of us were choosing not to imbibe.
Despite being anxious and rushing around all afternoon, my boyfriend managed to get everything ready in time and we even had a half hour to spare until our guests arrived. He had a beer and I had a NA beer as we sat on the sofa listening to music and waiting for the night to begin. If I had been drinking, I probably would have already had at least two or three drinks by now due to the stress and to ward off any social anxiety I could feel coming on.
I think I’ll remember this night for a long time.
We ate chicken parmesan and chocolate cake. My sober friend and I drank Nosecco (an alcohol free version of Prosecco). We played cards and the Amazon Alexa was definitely a little too loud at certain points of the night — but we had so much fun.
If I am being completely honest, there were moments that I missed drinking. Not that I wanted to have a drink, because when I have the alcohol free alternatives I honestly don’t crave alcohol now whatsoever. It was more that I was missing the feeling of freedom and spontaneity that I felt when I used to drink. That feeling that the night could take you anywhere. When it comes down to it, that’s what I really miss.
Even though I wasn’t drinking, I still laughed. I still sang loudly to ABBA and The Smiths, like always. I still danced and did cartwheels across my kitchen floor. I realized that in a way it was more fun to do these things without drinking because I could fully experience them. If I had been drinking, I would have been browned out by that time of the night.
For so long it has felt as though I have been living a double life. On one side there is the person who doesn’t want to drink, who listens to sobriety podcasts and who communicates with online sober friends. Yet, on the other hand I would be spending every weekend guzzling down wine and beer and hating myself all of Saturday and Sunday for wasting my weekend yet again. Finally, it kind of felt like my two worlds collided and my intentions and my actions were aligning. I was actually doing what I intended to do- which was to have a dinner party and not drink.
I fell asleep that night safely in my bed, remembering every piece of the night. I didn’t need to chug water at 3am. I didn’t wake up embarrassed or nauseous. I could spend my Sunday going for a long walk, taking a bath, reading my book, and got a takeaway for dinner — not because I was hungover, but because I actually was craving one.
It’s now Monday morning, and I know for a fact that if I got drunk this weekend, today would have been spent hating myself for breaking my sober streak, being anxious, and not getting any work done. It’s 12pm now and I only have one thing left on my to-do list (I’m a PhD student so this last item is going to take me a few hours, but still!).
Even though I live in Ireland, this is the first 4th of July I haven’t drank since I started drinking. In a way, I have gotten through my first sober holiday, and it feels great.
There were a lot of Day 1 posts this morning on my online accountability groups, and my heart goes out to them because I’ve been there and starting over is devastating. I am so thankful that they are posting because it reminds me that even if I drink again, I can always come back to sobriety. Selfishly, I am also thankful for those posts because they provide me with some more motivation to keep going in my journey.
66 Days Sober. 300 days to go until a year — this is a leap year, right?
I still take things day by day, and if today is your Day 1, guess what? I was there 65 days ago. And many times before then. Be kind to yourself, because this is the hardest part and anyone who is sober right now has been exactly where you are now.
And we’re all rooting for you.
Melissober
